Looking For The Rainbow

As I continue through this storm, I continue to write, as therapy for myself, and in hopes that someone else will see that storms come to everyone, and God is still real. The devil would like me to throw my hands up and say it is over, he would enjoy it if I would say, ''I'm done." His ammunition never runs out, he never gets tired. We must never forget that he is the master mind of ALL lies.

The easy thing to do is to give in and wallow in self pity. You can really get hung up on how bad your storm is if you aren't careful. God is always the perfect gentleman, and He gave us a freewill. We always have a choice. I don't see the storm clearing as of yet.... but, I know it will one day. I am not going to wait until then, I'm going to praise Him in this storm!

He has not left me, not once. His blessings remain. As the song goes, I have food on the table, shoes on my feet, and a good place to sleep. My bills have been paid. I have my health. God has blessed me with the ability to run and walk, which helps me when anxiety is raging. My husband and daughters are well. My daughters are absolutely doing awesome. God has provided wonderful weather. He has taken care of me, when I haven't even realized it. Each new morning, I have had he privilege of waking up, and being able to get up. My car has cranked every time I have needed to go somewhere. God has surrounded me with a few wonderful friends that have kept me lifted up through this storm. I can truly say that God is still good, and His blessings are still real.......and I am STILL blessed.

By choosing to rely on Christ through this storm, God has given some rainbows, just when I've needed them. When life is going well, and you are enjoying living for Christ, you easily see the rainbows. It's harder to see them in a storm, but they are there. I'm grateful that by holding on to Him, He has whispered sweet peace to me. By not staying in the self-pity pool, I have been able to listen to my Father more, and do what He wants me to do through this, and let me tell you.....because of it, the rainbows have been beautiful.

I still have a heavy load, and no answers have come to surface yet. But, I'm going to go ahead and serve notice on the devil..... I am going to thank God for answering my prayers. I don't know yet, how they will be answered, nor how this storm will pass, but I know Who controls it all, and I am safe and sound in His bosom. My feeble mind likes to think of ways my storm could go away, how my prayers could be answered, but He knows best, it has to be done in His will and in His time. I thank Him for the times of comfort and I do not take for granted the times I feel a time of relief in the storm....the time of a rainbow.

I will go on, not by anything I have done, but what the One who lives inside of me is doing. As I continue my christian walk, through this storm, I will continue to look for the rainbow, and I will thank Him for them, and go ahead and praise Him for the day this storm is going to go away.

Continuing the Walk, Though the Rain is Falling

I feel the need to continue to write during my storm. In a way it is a therapy for myself, as well as an example for others that they are not alone. Our mind is the devil's battlefield. If we are saved, he cannot get our soul, nor enter our heart. But, he can destroy our minds and rob us of our joy, if we do not put on God's armor!

The storm in my life has not disappeared, it still remains. The devil still brings thoughts, ideas, and fear my way. One of the lies that the devil tries to tell us as young christians, is that now that we have Christ on our side, we have it made. All days will be sunny from here on out. That is certainly the voice of the devil. Because if you study God's Word, He tells us there are going to be hard times on our journey. The devil tells us this, so that when troubles of this life do hit....he wants us to be caught by surprise, and unprepared.

I am no better than anyone else, I am not stronger....I am no different than any other human being. The devil sees the fire in your life, and he immediately starts to blow and fan that fire to keep you in turmoil. We must stay on our knees and stay in His Word to fight the fire, or we will be consumed.

More than a week into my storm, I don't see much improvement, I don't see much change. I still have disappointments, frustrations, and very often, feelings of being overwhelmed. What keeps me going? My friend, it is nothing on my own, it is all in Him. He is my strength, He is my rock, He is my strong tower. I can feel Him helping me along this journey. I know this because I could not go on unless His hand is reaching down, lifting me up.

We cannot sit back in paralysis. If we do, then the devil will gain the upper hand. We must be still as God moves in...but we must continue our christian walk. I see where God is with me during my storm. I can feel His presence. Whether it be something I get out of reading God's Word, a kind word from a friend, prayers going up for me, or a song.... I know He is there. If I lay down and give up during this storm....which is just what the devil wants......then, friend, I will surely drowned! God provides an umbrella...even when I don't realize it.

When I feel as though this storm is going to swallow me up, I start counting my blessings. As the song says, I name them one by one. I tell ole Lucifer, how while this storm is certainly horrid.... it could definitely be worse. I'm not saying that I am some awesome christian, I am certainly not. I have times as though I feel the devil is certainly going to win. You cannot give in. I still feel as though my prayers are going no where, but I keep on praying. I have wonderful friends who lift me up in prayers, and send words of encouragement. I have a wonderful friend who lets me call her at any time of the day, and lets me say anything I want to, anything I need to, without judgement or criticism. Though God is certainly enough..... He will put someone in your path to help you.....don't try to do it all alone, let your friends or family help bear the load. It helps you, and it helps them. The Bible teaches us to share one another's burdens. The devil tries to puff you up with pride, so you will try to go it alone. Well of course... he has a better chance of knocking you out if you are alone!! Don't fall for it!

I don't know how things will turn out, I don't know when this will end. But, I do know that He loves me, and works for my good, He will not forsake me. I must..... I MUST hold on to the voice of Truth. I'm not saying this is easy, nothing worthwhile is, isn't that what the old timers say? Stay focused. I describe it like this: the devil is like very loud music being played....you can barely hear yourself think. The Lord is like a quiet voice speaking to you, though the music is blaring. It is hard to hear that voice. You have to focus constantly on trying to block out the loud music, and always strain to listen to the quiet voice. It's not easy, and definitely frustrating. But it can be done...if you want to. I have decided that I want to. I want to keep my desire to live for the Lord. I want to keep my success through Christ. I want to deny my flesh and feed my spirit. I want to give my all to the Lord... all the time, not just during the good times. There is nothing to go back to....He gave His all........can I not???

Someone once said, 'This too shall pass..' And it will, I keep reminding the devil of that fact. God will see me through, and in turn, if I remain faithful, I will be stronger for it. Look beyond the struggles of the storm and keep your eyes on the prize! There are going to be some low times....I'll let you in on a secret....we are STILL human.....and God KNOWS this! So don't worry, if you fall or stumble....get right back up and go again..........the sun is coming up in the morning. If I give in now....when God does settle the storm, then I won't be where I need to be to see it!

God will give a song in the time of trouble! A song I sing at church has come to my mind many times during this storm....."Once again, I faced Satan this morning. And I battled him all the day long. But in my weakness, God sent reinforcements, and at sundown, I sang victories song! And the sun's coming up in the morning....every tear will be gone from my eyes. This old clays gonna give way to glory, and like and eagle, I'll take to the skies!"

Stay in the fight, you have to be there in order for the reinforcements to come...so don't retreat!!! God is faithful, Hallelujah! Believe me, I am so ready.... so ready for this storm to be over...physically, emotionally, and spiritually!!!! I am continuing the walk, though the rain is falling......because the sun IS coming up in the morning!!!!!

The Eye of the Storm

We almost always write about a storm, once it has passed over. We tell of God's faithfulness and wonderful power. In hindsight, we tell of the darkness of that storm, but mainly focus on the glorious outcome. And indeed, we should. But as I sit here this morning, I am smack in the middle of a very dark storm in my life. I feel the need to write about it now.

The specifics of storms won't matter to the reader. We all have storms specific to our lives, and all of our lives are different. But whatever the storm, the effects of it, we share, it may be to different degrees, it depends of the severity of the storm. Nevertheless, a storm is a very difficult and hard thing to bear. Physically it is tiring. My body hurts all over. My muscles seem to stay tense. My throat is constantly dry, and I feel as though I have swallowed a grapefruit whole, and it is forever lodged in my throat. My stomach constantly churns. Food is not a welcome sight to me at this point. It is a chore, but I know I must keep my strength up, so I try to eat. As a result, I have lost some weight.

Emotionally, I am on a roller coaster. It's as though I am on a cliff, hanging by the tips of my fingers, and at any moment, I will fall. My body burns and feels anxious. Usually to the point that I must be moving or doing something at all times to calm that feeling down. There is not too much rest during a storm, I sleep due to exhaustion at the end of the day. My mind welcomes any diversion, no matter how great or small. I find myself taking deep breaths more often, as if someone is squeezing my midsection, and I cannot breathe. I cry at the drop of a hat. And the tears seem to find me at awkward times, and for no apparent reason. For instance, I was mowing yesterday, my mind and body were focused on mowing.... and out of nowhere, as I turned the mower around, I found my face suddenly contorted, and hot tears going down my cheeks. I find myself constantly telling myself to stay calm, to hold on, to only focus on life minute by minute.

Spiritually, I am numb. Heaven has seemingly turned to brass, no prayers seem to be escaping the ceiling of my prayer closet. I don't feel my Father's comforting arm, I don't feel the Holy Spirit that is dwelling inside of me. I force my eyes to read His Word, and I find a constant pleading, begging prayer escaping my lips, under my breath. I feel as alone, as if I were on an island by myself, with only oceans as my view.

I feel at any moment, I could implode on myself, and also, I feel that at any moment, I could explode any one. I constantly am keeping myself in check, so I won't say something I will regret to those I love. Questions of all shapes and sizes seem to fill my head. Scenerios of all kinds... some good, some bad... fill my head, things I should do, or could do, due to this storm. As a child, while playing hide and seek, I remember thinking that a closet would be a good place to hide. I remember the darkness, the stillness, not able to see anything, and feeling the tightness of the small room, and all the clothes pressing up against me. I feel that way now. It must be how food feels in a pressure cooker! The devil is reeking havoc in my mind, which is an enormous battlefield.

So, what keeps me hanging on? How am I still sane, instead of lying in a gutter, drunk or high, or in a psychiatric hospital, or worse, the funeral home due to suicide? Well, I'm standing on the Truth. I know that when I cannot stand, He holds me up. A wonderful friend of mine, describes it in a lovely way. She says that you must pour a foundation in the sunshine. What does that mean? Well, when the storm clouds are no where to be found, life is good, and the sun is shining bright, that's when you stay close to God. That is when you read and study the Bible, hide it's truths in your heart. Pray everyday, and seek God while He may be found. It's real easy not to do this....because we are human, and when things are going good, we tend to leave God behind. But, if I had left Him behind, then I would be standing in a miry mud puddle right now. Because I have stayed faithful to Christ, I am standing on concrete, even though all the world is pouring down on me.

When the anxiety rises, it seems that a peace comes in a pushes it back down. Isaiah 40:28-31, is a favorite of mine, and I keep holding on to it: "Hast thou not known?hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary: there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall.; But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." I read Psalm 71, and use it as my prayer. Even though I feel nothing.... I must continue to read my Bible and pray.........Christianity does not depend on my 'feelings'... it depends on the truth of His Word.

So, physically, I continue to eat, even though it is hard to swallow something around a grapefruit lodged in your throat, I go on a lot of walks, that helps physically and emotionally. I am relying on some wonderful friends right now, and I am holding on to His truths. He cannot lie, and no matter how I feel, how in the dark I am.. His Word is still the truth! I keep praying and talking to my Father, I don't feel as if He is a million miles around right now.....but, His Word says that he will never leave me nor forsake me.... so even though I cannot see, He is somewhere in the shadows. He says that He will never put more on us than we can bear. Even though the devil tells me that this is it......that is a lie, and he is the father of lies! I have to remain focused, and know that I cannot listen to all the tales spinning in my mind, because my mind is the devil's playground, and he is a liar!

Here I am, in the eye of the storm, I do not know how it will end. But I know it will end. The sun will come out in my life again, and when it does, I will see that Jesus was with me through it all. He doesn't just get us by.... He sees us through. I will lift up my hands, and I will praise Him in this storm! Do I feel like praising? Definitely not. But, He has done so much for me, He went all the way to the cross, and died alone, for me..... for ME! So, I will praise Him, and I will trust Him, for He lifts up my head.

June Bugs

As I sat in my swing on the back porch reading, the June bugs were buzzing around. As I continued to enjoy the summer morning, one June bug flew straight into the house and landed on his back on my deck. Well, you know my 'spiritual eye', I stopped reading and started watching this bug, waiting on my spiritual lesson.

The June bug was flat of his back, smack in the middle of a plank of wood on my deck. At first he didn't move, I guess he was kind of out of it. Then he began to work his legs and slowly move. I wondered how in the world is he going to get back on his feet. As I continued to watch, he slowly made it to the side of the plank....to the crack. As soon as he got to the crack, he was able to flip over, back on his feet. He walked around, in the middle of the plank again, and I thought, whew, the little fellow made it.

But, then here comes my daughter's pug, Bo. He came over and sniffed the poor bug, and slightly tapped it with his paw. The June bug, tried a quick escape, but soon found himself on his back once again, in the middle of the plank. He slowly began to work his legs once again. At first, he seemed to go straight to the crack again, but then he would turn, and go towards the other side. Seemed like a lot of extra work. All the while, Bo kept his eyes on him. Finally he got on the side of the plank, and quickly flipped back on his feet. This time he seemed to align his body directly in the crack of the boards. He stayed low, and slowly moved straight down the crack. Bo, was still there, ready to pounce. But just as Bo thought he had this little bug, the June bug kept creeping down the crack and then went flying off to freedom!!!

Okay, so this is what came to my mind: Matthew 7:13, 14 says, "Enter ye in at the strait gate; for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat; because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."

As I watched that June bug, I instantly saw myself, out in the world (that plank), completely on my back and helpless. The devil (Bo...sorry, Bo...just as an example) breathing down my neck, ready to pounce. And just like that bug, we may quickly come to Christ for help, but then again venture a walk on the wide open plank on our own. Quickly the devil knocks us right back on our backs again. But, once I started wiggling my legs again, and moving toward the crack, I found a refuge. Psalm 27:5, "For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion; in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock." Once I go to God, my refuge, my strongtower, He will protect me, and get me up on my feet again! The devil might be hanging around, but he cannot touch me! And as that June bug... if I follow the path down that crack, then one day I will fly away and be free!!!!!

What an awesome example of Christ's love that was shown to me through a little June bug! We are no match for this old world, the devil is a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour! So, stay off that wide open plank....... it gets you nothing but flat of your back anyway! Stay in the crack of the boards, you'll be on your feet, and your pathway will be straight! Thank you, Jesus, there is safety in You!