Looking For The Rainbow

As I continue through this storm, I continue to write, as therapy for myself, and in hopes that someone else will see that storms come to everyone, and God is still real. The devil would like me to throw my hands up and say it is over, he would enjoy it if I would say, ''I'm done." His ammunition never runs out, he never gets tired. We must never forget that he is the master mind of ALL lies.

The easy thing to do is to give in and wallow in self pity. You can really get hung up on how bad your storm is if you aren't careful. God is always the perfect gentleman, and He gave us a freewill. We always have a choice. I don't see the storm clearing as of yet.... but, I know it will one day. I am not going to wait until then, I'm going to praise Him in this storm!

He has not left me, not once. His blessings remain. As the song goes, I have food on the table, shoes on my feet, and a good place to sleep. My bills have been paid. I have my health. God has blessed me with the ability to run and walk, which helps me when anxiety is raging. My husband and daughters are well. My daughters are absolutely doing awesome. God has provided wonderful weather. He has taken care of me, when I haven't even realized it. Each new morning, I have had he privilege of waking up, and being able to get up. My car has cranked every time I have needed to go somewhere. God has surrounded me with a few wonderful friends that have kept me lifted up through this storm. I can truly say that God is still good, and His blessings are still real.......and I am STILL blessed.

By choosing to rely on Christ through this storm, God has given some rainbows, just when I've needed them. When life is going well, and you are enjoying living for Christ, you easily see the rainbows. It's harder to see them in a storm, but they are there. I'm grateful that by holding on to Him, He has whispered sweet peace to me. By not staying in the self-pity pool, I have been able to listen to my Father more, and do what He wants me to do through this, and let me tell you.....because of it, the rainbows have been beautiful.

I still have a heavy load, and no answers have come to surface yet. But, I'm going to go ahead and serve notice on the devil..... I am going to thank God for answering my prayers. I don't know yet, how they will be answered, nor how this storm will pass, but I know Who controls it all, and I am safe and sound in His bosom. My feeble mind likes to think of ways my storm could go away, how my prayers could be answered, but He knows best, it has to be done in His will and in His time. I thank Him for the times of comfort and I do not take for granted the times I feel a time of relief in the storm....the time of a rainbow.

I will go on, not by anything I have done, but what the One who lives inside of me is doing. As I continue my christian walk, through this storm, I will continue to look for the rainbow, and I will thank Him for them, and go ahead and praise Him for the day this storm is going to go away.

Continuing the Walk, Though the Rain is Falling

I feel the need to continue to write during my storm. In a way it is a therapy for myself, as well as an example for others that they are not alone. Our mind is the devil's battlefield. If we are saved, he cannot get our soul, nor enter our heart. But, he can destroy our minds and rob us of our joy, if we do not put on God's armor!

The storm in my life has not disappeared, it still remains. The devil still brings thoughts, ideas, and fear my way. One of the lies that the devil tries to tell us as young christians, is that now that we have Christ on our side, we have it made. All days will be sunny from here on out. That is certainly the voice of the devil. Because if you study God's Word, He tells us there are going to be hard times on our journey. The devil tells us this, so that when troubles of this life do hit....he wants us to be caught by surprise, and unprepared.

I am no better than anyone else, I am not stronger....I am no different than any other human being. The devil sees the fire in your life, and he immediately starts to blow and fan that fire to keep you in turmoil. We must stay on our knees and stay in His Word to fight the fire, or we will be consumed.

More than a week into my storm, I don't see much improvement, I don't see much change. I still have disappointments, frustrations, and very often, feelings of being overwhelmed. What keeps me going? My friend, it is nothing on my own, it is all in Him. He is my strength, He is my rock, He is my strong tower. I can feel Him helping me along this journey. I know this because I could not go on unless His hand is reaching down, lifting me up.

We cannot sit back in paralysis. If we do, then the devil will gain the upper hand. We must be still as God moves in...but we must continue our christian walk. I see where God is with me during my storm. I can feel His presence. Whether it be something I get out of reading God's Word, a kind word from a friend, prayers going up for me, or a song.... I know He is there. If I lay down and give up during this storm....which is just what the devil wants......then, friend, I will surely drowned! God provides an umbrella...even when I don't realize it.

When I feel as though this storm is going to swallow me up, I start counting my blessings. As the song says, I name them one by one. I tell ole Lucifer, how while this storm is certainly horrid.... it could definitely be worse. I'm not saying that I am some awesome christian, I am certainly not. I have times as though I feel the devil is certainly going to win. You cannot give in. I still feel as though my prayers are going no where, but I keep on praying. I have wonderful friends who lift me up in prayers, and send words of encouragement. I have a wonderful friend who lets me call her at any time of the day, and lets me say anything I want to, anything I need to, without judgement or criticism. Though God is certainly enough..... He will put someone in your path to help you.....don't try to do it all alone, let your friends or family help bear the load. It helps you, and it helps them. The Bible teaches us to share one another's burdens. The devil tries to puff you up with pride, so you will try to go it alone. Well of course... he has a better chance of knocking you out if you are alone!! Don't fall for it!

I don't know how things will turn out, I don't know when this will end. But, I do know that He loves me, and works for my good, He will not forsake me. I must..... I MUST hold on to the voice of Truth. I'm not saying this is easy, nothing worthwhile is, isn't that what the old timers say? Stay focused. I describe it like this: the devil is like very loud music being played....you can barely hear yourself think. The Lord is like a quiet voice speaking to you, though the music is blaring. It is hard to hear that voice. You have to focus constantly on trying to block out the loud music, and always strain to listen to the quiet voice. It's not easy, and definitely frustrating. But it can be done...if you want to. I have decided that I want to. I want to keep my desire to live for the Lord. I want to keep my success through Christ. I want to deny my flesh and feed my spirit. I want to give my all to the Lord... all the time, not just during the good times. There is nothing to go back to....He gave His all........can I not???

Someone once said, 'This too shall pass..' And it will, I keep reminding the devil of that fact. God will see me through, and in turn, if I remain faithful, I will be stronger for it. Look beyond the struggles of the storm and keep your eyes on the prize! There are going to be some low times....I'll let you in on a secret....we are STILL human.....and God KNOWS this! So don't worry, if you fall or stumble....get right back up and go again..........the sun is coming up in the morning. If I give in now....when God does settle the storm, then I won't be where I need to be to see it!

God will give a song in the time of trouble! A song I sing at church has come to my mind many times during this storm....."Once again, I faced Satan this morning. And I battled him all the day long. But in my weakness, God sent reinforcements, and at sundown, I sang victories song! And the sun's coming up in the morning....every tear will be gone from my eyes. This old clays gonna give way to glory, and like and eagle, I'll take to the skies!"

Stay in the fight, you have to be there in order for the reinforcements to come...so don't retreat!!! God is faithful, Hallelujah! Believe me, I am so ready.... so ready for this storm to be over...physically, emotionally, and spiritually!!!! I am continuing the walk, though the rain is falling......because the sun IS coming up in the morning!!!!!

The Eye of the Storm

We almost always write about a storm, once it has passed over. We tell of God's faithfulness and wonderful power. In hindsight, we tell of the darkness of that storm, but mainly focus on the glorious outcome. And indeed, we should. But as I sit here this morning, I am smack in the middle of a very dark storm in my life. I feel the need to write about it now.

The specifics of storms won't matter to the reader. We all have storms specific to our lives, and all of our lives are different. But whatever the storm, the effects of it, we share, it may be to different degrees, it depends of the severity of the storm. Nevertheless, a storm is a very difficult and hard thing to bear. Physically it is tiring. My body hurts all over. My muscles seem to stay tense. My throat is constantly dry, and I feel as though I have swallowed a grapefruit whole, and it is forever lodged in my throat. My stomach constantly churns. Food is not a welcome sight to me at this point. It is a chore, but I know I must keep my strength up, so I try to eat. As a result, I have lost some weight.

Emotionally, I am on a roller coaster. It's as though I am on a cliff, hanging by the tips of my fingers, and at any moment, I will fall. My body burns and feels anxious. Usually to the point that I must be moving or doing something at all times to calm that feeling down. There is not too much rest during a storm, I sleep due to exhaustion at the end of the day. My mind welcomes any diversion, no matter how great or small. I find myself taking deep breaths more often, as if someone is squeezing my midsection, and I cannot breathe. I cry at the drop of a hat. And the tears seem to find me at awkward times, and for no apparent reason. For instance, I was mowing yesterday, my mind and body were focused on mowing.... and out of nowhere, as I turned the mower around, I found my face suddenly contorted, and hot tears going down my cheeks. I find myself constantly telling myself to stay calm, to hold on, to only focus on life minute by minute.

Spiritually, I am numb. Heaven has seemingly turned to brass, no prayers seem to be escaping the ceiling of my prayer closet. I don't feel my Father's comforting arm, I don't feel the Holy Spirit that is dwelling inside of me. I force my eyes to read His Word, and I find a constant pleading, begging prayer escaping my lips, under my breath. I feel as alone, as if I were on an island by myself, with only oceans as my view.

I feel at any moment, I could implode on myself, and also, I feel that at any moment, I could explode any one. I constantly am keeping myself in check, so I won't say something I will regret to those I love. Questions of all shapes and sizes seem to fill my head. Scenerios of all kinds... some good, some bad... fill my head, things I should do, or could do, due to this storm. As a child, while playing hide and seek, I remember thinking that a closet would be a good place to hide. I remember the darkness, the stillness, not able to see anything, and feeling the tightness of the small room, and all the clothes pressing up against me. I feel that way now. It must be how food feels in a pressure cooker! The devil is reeking havoc in my mind, which is an enormous battlefield.

So, what keeps me hanging on? How am I still sane, instead of lying in a gutter, drunk or high, or in a psychiatric hospital, or worse, the funeral home due to suicide? Well, I'm standing on the Truth. I know that when I cannot stand, He holds me up. A wonderful friend of mine, describes it in a lovely way. She says that you must pour a foundation in the sunshine. What does that mean? Well, when the storm clouds are no where to be found, life is good, and the sun is shining bright, that's when you stay close to God. That is when you read and study the Bible, hide it's truths in your heart. Pray everyday, and seek God while He may be found. It's real easy not to do this....because we are human, and when things are going good, we tend to leave God behind. But, if I had left Him behind, then I would be standing in a miry mud puddle right now. Because I have stayed faithful to Christ, I am standing on concrete, even though all the world is pouring down on me.

When the anxiety rises, it seems that a peace comes in a pushes it back down. Isaiah 40:28-31, is a favorite of mine, and I keep holding on to it: "Hast thou not known?hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary: there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall.; But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." I read Psalm 71, and use it as my prayer. Even though I feel nothing.... I must continue to read my Bible and pray.........Christianity does not depend on my 'feelings'... it depends on the truth of His Word.

So, physically, I continue to eat, even though it is hard to swallow something around a grapefruit lodged in your throat, I go on a lot of walks, that helps physically and emotionally. I am relying on some wonderful friends right now, and I am holding on to His truths. He cannot lie, and no matter how I feel, how in the dark I am.. His Word is still the truth! I keep praying and talking to my Father, I don't feel as if He is a million miles around right now.....but, His Word says that he will never leave me nor forsake me.... so even though I cannot see, He is somewhere in the shadows. He says that He will never put more on us than we can bear. Even though the devil tells me that this is it......that is a lie, and he is the father of lies! I have to remain focused, and know that I cannot listen to all the tales spinning in my mind, because my mind is the devil's playground, and he is a liar!

Here I am, in the eye of the storm, I do not know how it will end. But I know it will end. The sun will come out in my life again, and when it does, I will see that Jesus was with me through it all. He doesn't just get us by.... He sees us through. I will lift up my hands, and I will praise Him in this storm! Do I feel like praising? Definitely not. But, He has done so much for me, He went all the way to the cross, and died alone, for me..... for ME! So, I will praise Him, and I will trust Him, for He lifts up my head.

June Bugs

As I sat in my swing on the back porch reading, the June bugs were buzzing around. As I continued to enjoy the summer morning, one June bug flew straight into the house and landed on his back on my deck. Well, you know my 'spiritual eye', I stopped reading and started watching this bug, waiting on my spiritual lesson.

The June bug was flat of his back, smack in the middle of a plank of wood on my deck. At first he didn't move, I guess he was kind of out of it. Then he began to work his legs and slowly move. I wondered how in the world is he going to get back on his feet. As I continued to watch, he slowly made it to the side of the plank....to the crack. As soon as he got to the crack, he was able to flip over, back on his feet. He walked around, in the middle of the plank again, and I thought, whew, the little fellow made it.

But, then here comes my daughter's pug, Bo. He came over and sniffed the poor bug, and slightly tapped it with his paw. The June bug, tried a quick escape, but soon found himself on his back once again, in the middle of the plank. He slowly began to work his legs once again. At first, he seemed to go straight to the crack again, but then he would turn, and go towards the other side. Seemed like a lot of extra work. All the while, Bo kept his eyes on him. Finally he got on the side of the plank, and quickly flipped back on his feet. This time he seemed to align his body directly in the crack of the boards. He stayed low, and slowly moved straight down the crack. Bo, was still there, ready to pounce. But just as Bo thought he had this little bug, the June bug kept creeping down the crack and then went flying off to freedom!!!

Okay, so this is what came to my mind: Matthew 7:13, 14 says, "Enter ye in at the strait gate; for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat; because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."

As I watched that June bug, I instantly saw myself, out in the world (that plank), completely on my back and helpless. The devil (Bo...sorry, Bo...just as an example) breathing down my neck, ready to pounce. And just like that bug, we may quickly come to Christ for help, but then again venture a walk on the wide open plank on our own. Quickly the devil knocks us right back on our backs again. But, once I started wiggling my legs again, and moving toward the crack, I found a refuge. Psalm 27:5, "For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion; in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock." Once I go to God, my refuge, my strongtower, He will protect me, and get me up on my feet again! The devil might be hanging around, but he cannot touch me! And as that June bug... if I follow the path down that crack, then one day I will fly away and be free!!!!!

What an awesome example of Christ's love that was shown to me through a little June bug! We are no match for this old world, the devil is a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour! So, stay off that wide open plank....... it gets you nothing but flat of your back anyway! Stay in the crack of the boards, you'll be on your feet, and your pathway will be straight! Thank you, Jesus, there is safety in You!

I know Him......but best of all....HE KNOWS ME!!!

I 'know' a lot of people. I know my family, I know my friends, coworkers, neighbors, and community. And to different degrees....they all know me. But, we can still fool them can't we??? We can hide things from them, and they wouldn't ever know it. Some can figure things out, depending on how close of a relationship you have with them.....but no one can see your heart!

I 'know' my local mayor, and elected officials, and news reporters on local TV. I even 'know' the president of the United States! I 'know' the actors who play roles on my favorite TV shows. I even 'know' the folks that are seen on reality TV shows.....you know, Jeff from 'Survivor', or how about Bob and Jillian, the trainers on the 'Biggest Loser'..............hey, I even know Jon and Kate!!!!

But, I could walk down the street and bump into any of them..........and they wouldn't say a word to me.............why.............didn't I just say that I 'know' them?????? Yes..........but the difference is.........they don't know me!!!!

But, there is One that I know................but best of all.........He knows me! How awesome is God! I've grown up in church all my life.....I've heard about Jesus, sang about Jesus, talked about Jesus my whole life........I KNOW Him! But better than all of that.................when I was a seven year old little girl.................He got to know me!!!! You see, in my head, I knew Him.....but under conviction, I went to an altar, and gave my heart to Him.....and He knows me.......for all eternity....He knows me! What a blessing!!!

"I know Him, yes I know Him....I met Him at the cross of Calvary. I know Him, yes I know Him...but best of He knows me!"

Friend, do you know Him today...........but most importantly....does He know you??? Search your heart today, do you know of a time that you asked Him to live there? If not, please let Him know you today. If you are saved, then let yourself go down memory lane, and remember the time that you let Him know you! What a wonderful Savior! I praise the day that I knelt down at the cross and made Him my personal Lord and Savior!!!

I'll Pick the Tractor Every Time!

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly (gentle and humble) in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Back in 2002, God granted my husband and I our life long prayer of our dream home. He gave us the opportunity to buy about 7 acres of land, in the perfect location! We had looked for so long. Before, if it was where we wanted the land, it was too expensive, but if we could afford it, then it was too far out from everything. God was working in my husband's career, before we even realized it, and it all was coming together! My husband quit his job, sold his part of the business, and began building our dream house...........now that was some faith! But, God holds it all in the palm of His hand! I began working more hours at the hospital to cover the bills, our other house sold, just in the knick of time, and then I received a phone call asking me to take on another job that I had been praying about for so long! Let me tell you, God was moving on the scene faster than our feeble minds could even comprehend!

My husband and father-in-law were building our house, by themselves. It was hard work, and right in the middle of a very hot summer!!!! I don't know how much you know about building a house, but it is very hard work.......and just being the two of them.......it was even harder! I stood amazed at all they were accomplishing!

One day, it was time to put up some support beams in the garage. These beams were very heavy. They didn't know how they were going to lift them. As they began to struggle, up the driveway comes an old tractor. Our neighbor, seeing their distress, quietly came on the scene with his tractor. He had fork lifts attached to the front, and he helped them lift the beams into place!

As progress kept moving, it came time to put in the flooring for the upstairs rooms. Well, like I said, it's just the two of them, and you can only imagine, how long and hard it was going to be for them to carry each piece of wood up those stairs. It would take forever!!! Then, as if the heavens opened up..........there was our neighbor at the front of the house, with that old tractor, lifting several pieces of wood up to the second floor window! All they had to do was pull the wood off of the tractor's fork lift from the window! They were finished with the floors in no time!!!

As they kept working on the house, that old tractor seem to show up, just in time and help out! We finally finished the house and moved in. We began the landscaping. We had 8 trees to be planted, not counting the shrubs. Whew! Talk about some elbow grease, but we were so excited to have our new place, we gladly took those shovels out and began to dig. But, somewhere in the distance........I heard a familiar sound...........why, that old tractor was making its way down our gravel drive once more..........and this time it was equipped with a very large post hole digger attachment on the back. In about two minutes, the hole was dug and the tree was neatly in place!

A little while later, it was time to start our garden! We love to plant a garden, and we were excited because this was going to be a garden twice the size we had at our old house! We have a small tiller, and it was going to be quite a chore to dig up all of that ground and get it ready to start planting! With excitement, however, my husband began the task at hand! Before, he could wipe the sweat off of his brow, you guessed it, there's that familiar old red tractor making its way to our backyard. This time with a tiller attached to the back, and in about thirty minutes our garden spot was unearthed, and ready to have something planted in it!

Over the years we certainly have learned to respect and love that old tractor! And now, before we start a task that is too hard for us, we KNOW that all we have to do, is go get that old red tractor, it will certainly get the job done!!! Whether, we are in trouble, or just need some help with a job, we can depend on that tractor! It has cut our hayfields to keep our cows fed, it continues to plow our gardens, it has pulled dead trees up in seconds, it has even pulled stuck four-wheelers out of the mud..........and recently it pulled a concreted basketball goal out of the ground as if it were nothing!

I have certainly learned to appreciate the sound of that tractor, and it's power! Isn't that just like God? We begin to do whatever it is we need to do........and He just steps in, just in time, and makes everything so much easier. Sometimes we pray for Him to come on the scene, and sometimes, He's there before we even know to pray! His yoke is easy, His burden is light! Why, oh, why do we work so hard at trying to 'dig' at our own problems, when He's there, sitting on the old tractor, ready to do it for us?

That old red tractor doesn't look like much. It's paint is faded, it has some rusty spots, it's battered and beaten, but it's always been faithful! Just when you think it can do no more, that tractor, will hit another gear, and you stand amazed! Sometimes we think God has to come in all shiny and new, all sparkling and clean! That's not always the case. Don't limit God, or put Him in a box. Just when you think it's impossible.............God will amaze you! And, He will use the most unusual, most simple tool to do it with.

How much easier life would be if we would always take His yoke, instead of trying to work it all out by ourselves! What takes us a lifetime, only takes Him seconds! Learn from me, when a problem arises, or when your task at hand just seems too much..............pick the tractor!!!!! Your life will be so much easier!!! As the old hymn says, "....come, my yoke is easy.......and.........my burden's light."

Deadwood Christians

Well, with spring come changes in the weather! We've seemed to have several storms this spring. Praise the Lord, we've not had any real damage, like some have had. We've had a few power outages with these storms. One storm caused a lot of damage, flooding, and our power was out for 5 hours. Well, that gives you a lot of time to think! And as I watched the storm out the window, I noticed the trees. For the most part as the winds blew harder and harder, the trees swayed and bent, but were okay. Some would nearly break in two, but they survived. After the storm was over the yards and roads were covered with broken dead tree limbs.

You know me and my spiritual eye..........I began to ponder on what I saw. You know, that's how it is spiritually, too. If you are not firmly grounded in Christ, if you are not rooted in His Word, if you are not alive in Him.........then, you better watch out when the winds begin to blow. The storm hits and all the deadwood starts falling out of the trees. They are dry, brittle, ugly tree limbs. Have you ever noticed a poor old dry, dead christian? There's not an ounce of joy in their soul, their all brittle, and dried up! The whole tree can be so full and green, but then you notice that dead limb sticking out like a sore thumb! Same way with a backslidden saint! They get critical and sour towards everyone and everything. Your church may be on fire for God, all full and green........but that backslidden christian will stick out like a sore thumb.

Oh, they may look like they belong. Those dead limbs, before the storm, even though they are noticeably different, they still seem to fit into the tree........and some are so well hidden that you don't even know they are there.........until the storm hits! The wind blows, the rains beat down.......and the first to go is any deadwood! The tree may take a beating, and in the worst, darkest part of the storm, it may even look as though it will break! But, let the storm subside, the tree may look wary for a while, but just hold on. Let the sun come back out, and warm the air, and that tree will perk right back up, and be more beautiful than before!

The church is the same way..........let a storm brew, and the first to go are those deadwood christians! The church may look battered at first, after the storm..........but when the 'S-O-N' begins to shine...........the church will look full and green.........more beautiful than before!

My point is this..........don't be a deadwood christian! It can happen to any of us! In fact, the devil works night and day trying to get you to quit, sit down, and dry up on God! There will be storms that come up all through our lives.............be ready for them. Stay alive, keep reading His word, praying daily.............when the storms start to blow, you may get tossed around, you may even bend to the point of breaking.............but the Son will shine, and you will be better than you were before the storm! When that critical spirit starts to creep in to your heart, when you've been too busy to read your Bible or pray, when jealousy raises its ugly head..........get those shears out and do some pruning!!! If not, you will soon spiritually die, and the first storm that comes, and you will be dry and brittle, and before you know it, you'll be lying on the ground, destroyed!

The Holy Spirit is to our soul like sap is to the tree..........it is our spiritual life's blood! Keep exercising your faith! You'll keep your peace and joy, and like those healthy limbs and leaves, you'll be healthy and green.........and ready for whatever storm that comes your way because the Spirit is living in you!